This Gun is Loaded

Made by Cosmos Films for its local porn theater to show, THIS GUN IS LOADED is the epitome of by-the-numbers sex footage cranked out near the end of the softcore era. I pity the fools who had to sit through this baby back in the day.It’s essentially a shaggy dog story, of braggadocio hit-man Al telling a bartender about his exploits in the sack. Supposedly he’s gotten back at his superiors in the mob by bedding their women, and he keeps showing his revolver to the hapless barkeep while claiming to be the greatest hit-man in existence.There are six, count ’em, six okay looking porn starlets on display for Al’s five sex scenes (one’s a threesome), four of which are flashbacks. All five are staged on the same cheap set with the same crummy couch and bed flanked by a Portofino travel poster -it doesn’t matter where they’re supposed to be located (a room above the bar or various apartments), all roads lead to one set for budgetary reasons.Al goes through his regimented sex routine mechanically with each girl, strictly dullsville. By the end of the film we learn that cunnilingus is acceptable in a movie circa 1970 but (at least pre-MONA, the hit that broke open the floodgates) fellatio and actual intercourse are verboten. As a result, Al gets to lick the girls’ private parts, but they barely touch, in passing, his cock with a stray hand once in a blue moon.Mainly ad lib, the dialog is putrid, with Al at one point asserting: “Take it easy baby, my gun will go off”. He keeps his black socks on for each sex scene in tacit homage to stag film tradition, except when faced with two girls at once, who insist on removing his hose before getting hosed.Standard fake acting credits card is displayed, identical with that used as boiler plate listing for another Cosmos production, EGO TRIP.The young actor playing the bartender, with mustache and beard, is familiar from many porn appearances, but is not involved in the sex action here. Thesp playing Al is unappealing on all levels, and given 1970’s penchant for full-frontal nudity, he displays a small package which never threatens to get erect.Surprise ending is stupid, typical of the genre’s “insult the audience” approach.