House of Kinky Pleasures

Maybe it’s just coincidence, but in one week I suffered through two vintage porn films where Col. Sanders’ fried chicken legs are used as dildos and then consumed! To quote Almodovar, what did I do to deserve this? The answer is simple -it’s all in the perils of watching porn. XXX films and now videos are generally so stratified and constrained -the same shots, acts, positions, stolen soundtrack music, even porn-gibberish repeated over & over & over, that one forgets that there is an underlying quest for the slightly unusual. Umberto Eco identified this pop entertainment impulse 30 years ago (his Superman Theory): we basically want to see the same thing repeated endlessly (e.g., pop TV shows), but with new, fetishistic alterations and inventions added.Director “Artaur Ego” (either that’s pidgin English for alter-ego, or Atom Egoyan making porn while still a kid) delivers exactly what the title promises: a series of kinky scenes. Premise is a goofy looking young woman leading the first-person camera from room to room of her kink/brothel, and that’s all you get. Someone changed the credit to a pseudonym for a talented pornographer, Lowell Pickett, but I’ve seen no substantiation.First room is light bondage with the guy protesting too much as the dominatrix subjects him to plenty of welt-inducing riding crop action. He’s forced to lick her patent leather pumps as well. B.F.D. Fortunately for the fans, she switches to standard porn mode and regular sex to repletion occurs.Room #2 has two guys & two gals all nude sharing a bucket of KFC -actual product placement! It’s a big mess and not over soon enough. Behind door #3 is Michael C. Fina china -no, wrong show. Instead it’s a female client, thrilled to have two guys, one black and one white, massaging her, leading to double penetration. I wasn’t surprised to hear Miles Davis music -he’s proving popular with the porn pirates.Door Four reveals the weirdness we’ve been waiting for (or not). Two girls dressed in ante bellum gowns (think Bette Davis as JEZEBEL) are shooting the breeze with Southern accents put-on and making fun of their servant Rufus. (Chaka Khan, puleeeze don’t watch this movie.) They have a strenuous threesome as “Camptown Races,” “Turkey in the Straw” and the like play on the soundtrack.I actually learned something from this finale. I’ve always taken the show biz term “blackface” for granted, but in a porn context finally learned its real meaning. Rufus is played by a white actor (John Seeman) whose face is covered in shoe polish, but the rest of his body we soon see is lily white. After the sex, the black polish is now visible smeared all over the girls’ faces. Alpha Blue Archives reissued the film in a short, 40-minute version, retitled KINKY PERVERSION. Truth in advertising.