Fandango

The title “Fandango” seems jinxed; not only did the early showcase in Kevin Costner’s career flop resoundingly at the box office, but this softcore porn Western has vanished with barely a trace.It used to be available on DVD-R from Something Weird, but that’s over now that the Harry Novak movies have been withdrawn. Glad I bought a copy while I could.Brooklyn-born James Whitworth stars as mine owner Dan Murphy, sporting an incongruous heavy Brooklyn accent in the Old West. Very measly plot line has him promising his horny mine workers a delivery of a wagon load (or two) of whores from town so they can get there bell ropes pulled (Spot Quiz: name the movie I stole that line from; Hint: I attribute it to Warren Oates).Madam of the local whorehouse is an old pal of Dan’s, Mona De Lys, played by ultra-busty Shawn Devereaux. I thought her natural looking bazooms were worth the price of admission here, lovingly photographed by cinematographer Paul Hipp, who also was a producer and to save a buck, featured in the cast too. Devereaux obviously never made it, but had the privilege of later acting in a Russ Meyer film, after slumming in an uncharacteristically sex-oriented Bert I. Gordon opus.Picture suffers from its cheap sets, since OK outdoor footage (action scenes and shootouts) make it seem like a real movie at times. But once we get inside, the cheapo set dressing/decoration does not suggest the intended period atmosphere.Filmmaker John Hayes had a familiar Clover Films label that released many an exploitation (recommended: ALL THE LOVIN’ KINFOLK) or just oddball movie (to avoid: DREAM NO EVIL). He doesn’t seem engaged with this Western entry, which needed a far more interesting script to hold the audience. Reduced to its bare essentials (pun intended), film parses as merely a few boring sequences: (1) Introduction of dull crew of miners; (2) Trip to town to sample and pick up the whores; (3) Whores servicing the guys in camp (4) Fight with bad guys, led by nose-less Muck Mulligan (porn vet Sebastian Gregory) en route back to town; (5) Epilog that would make SHANE blush.Not exactly an epic on the level of HOW THE WEST WAS WON. No, Hayes and company shot low and hit their target – some topless footage of busty gals parading around as if a Western. Considering it was of 1970 vintage, absence of full-frontal nudity, beaver closeups, etc., marks FANDANGO as a non-starter.